The Real World: Back to New Orleans, Episode 02
“Everything is genetics more than it is environmental.” - Jemmye
This may be the last one of these recaps I write because this week’s episode of The Real World may very well be the last time I watch an episode from this season. Hell, this may be the last time I watch The Real World at all. This episode made me sick, and it wasn’t just because the first 15 minutes revolved around Ryan’s fondness for squeezing his roommate’s ears and blow drying his own crotch.
MTV producers have tweaked the tried and true formula they use to manufacture drama on the network’s reality programs by supplementing their already suspect practice of feeding an endless supply of adult beverages to emotional cripples with a conscious attempt to knock a recovering opiate addict clear off the wagon. After what appeared to be the flawless execution of a textbook B&E, Ryan is afflicted with a shoulder injury of unknown origin that inexplicably requires an emergency trip to Touro and a prescription for codeine.
The next day, Ryan has no problem eating a sandwich while piloting an automobile. While I’d be hard pressed to think of a time when I haven’t been eating a sandwich as I made my way from one destination to another, the non-sandwich-holding arm on which I relied to rip the neutral ground U-Turns and pothole avoidance maneuvers necessary to get anywhere in this city was firing on all cylinders. I’m no “Dr. Matt,” but I think Ryan is full of shit.And in the unlikely event that his injury was even half as bad as his late night conniption would lead one to believe, pounding codeine will provide him about as much relief as chasing Flintstone vitamins with Michelob Ultras. Don’t be fooled by Eric’s ominous warning; that kiddie shit is barely strong enough for toddlers with a scratchy throat, let alone adults with serious musculoskeletal pain.
The whole situation would be only garden-variety confounding if it wasn’t for Knight’s well documented struggle with painkiller abuse. While it may only be as effective as a sugar pill in the face of even minor pain, codeine contains more than enough pharmacologically active compounds to knock Knight’s recovery efforts back to the stone age if gets his hands on the stuff.
This is an anti-deus ex machina maneuver of the most intellectually insulting variety, and if you think I am going to believe that the Real World producers did not completely orchestrate the entire situation, you’ve got another thing coming. The circumstances are too suspicious and the end result is too dramatically compelling to even consider that it came about organically. MTV is playing with fire, and I can only hope that Knight’s quest to swipe Jemmye’s white-boy V-Card before Ashlee’s younger brother beats him to the punch is the toughest challenge he faces this season.
I spied Le Phare, Philip’s, Bruno’s, The Boot (exterior only), and The Saint (thankfully exterior only). I also made this diagram:
