3:33 pm - Thu, Jul 1, 2010

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The Real World: Back to New Orleans, Episode 01

“Boom! Let’s pose!” - Preston

In the months before and during the filming of this season, I made a pretty big stink about MTV coming back to the Crescent City.  Not since Real World: Seattle has a season of the show made the host city look like anything more than an hedonistic enabler for a group of bilzer-brained chuckleheads’ desire to drink alcohol in a manner that most people outgrow by the time they graduate high school.  While I quickly discovered that New Orleans nightlife has more to offer than over sized beers and cheesy cover bands on Bourbon Street, it would be disingenuous to act like these things do not exist or that some people do not like that type of stuff.  But after a noteworthy season of Treme gave America a glimpse of the magnificent splendor that is found on some of the other sides of New Orleans, I will be disappointed if MTV spends 13 weeks chronicling the adventures of shitfaced attention whores as they pass out in a dark corner of Razoo.

Only time will tell how the Big Easy is portrayed during this go’round, but thankfully nothing came of my bigger, more pragmatic fear about a reality TV production crew descending on the city: I assumed it was only a matter of time before these clowns started showing up at my favorite bars and completely ruined my social life.  I only crossed paths with the cast on one occasion, and while it was plenty annoying, my world did not come crashing down upon itself.  So I guess that is something to build on, right?

The one thing that has not changed in the any of the 23 seasons of The Real World is the formula used to assemble the premiere episode.  Snippets of audition tapes, final interview footage and packing-up-and-leaving-my-hometown montages are spliced together to establish that every single cast member is either opinionated, immature, overzealous or otherwise completely ass-backwards in his or her chosen approach to at least one important facet of human existence.

And these shortcomings are no longer seen as room for improvement as much as they are proudly offered as defining character traits.  I mean, I have no idea what Ryan does in his free time or what kind of music he listens to, but I am well aware of his penchant for “telling it like it is.”  I can’t quite put my finger on the exact moment that a knack for launching unprovoked insults at near-strangers became hip, but I’ll be g-ddamned if MTV doesn’t have a keen eye for talent in that arena.

This being said, I actually have some hope for this season.  The production team choose a Trombone Shorty song for the opening theme and prominently featured Kermit Ruffins in the opening sequence, which at least shows they did a little research (although it looked like they they were filming Kermit playing on a random street corner, which will make little sense to those who actually know who he is and know that the guy probably hasn’t busked around the Quarter in about three decades).  But as long as MTV at least attempts to respectfully portray the city, I am willing to give them a hall pass on some of the more innocuous lapses in authenticity that are sure to plague the entire season.  I just have one question:

What’s the deal with Ryan’s longboard? I was obviously not supposed to assume that he sk8ed in from Tempe, but was I supposed to assume that he was dropped off from the airport someplace other than Audubon Park, far enough away from the place he was to rendezvous with Sahar that he was forced to kick/push the last leg of the trip?  Did he bring this device from home? Is it a prop?  Either way, I don’t see him putting too many miles on that thing now that he is faced with the atrocious roads found in almost every neighborhood in the greater New Orleans area.  If he is daring enough to use that goofy-ass contraption as anything more than a icebreaker, I give him two blocks before he eats shit and lands face down in one of those gulches that separates most Uptown side streets from their corresponding curbs.

Here is the rest of my analysis in diagram form: